Beam me up Mr. Sulu...

I am glad that another Hollywood actor has decided to come out of the closet and declare his homosexuality. If you didn't hear, Geroge Takei, better know to many as Mr. Sulu, helmsman of the USS Starship Enterprise on the classic Star Trek tv show and many subsequent movies, has recently come out in Frontiers, a biweekly Los Angeles gay and lesbian magazine.

I think this is very significant, because many of the old cast of the classic Star Trek is well known by almost everyone (so now more people can say they know someone who is gay), but is also important to the Asian community. If you thought homophobia may still be rampant here (and it still may be with Big Brother GW Bush still looming over our shoulders), in Asian countries and communities, it is even a bigger problem. When one comes out in and Asian family, many think you are disgracing your family, and it feels like you are almost disgracing your whole country, and the very fiber of your being. There is a lot of guilt played out. I know that this might not be true of most Asian families, but it does happen. I've read David Henry Hwang's M Butterfly. I know things are changing slowly, but China still has so many imposed restrictions (and not just on homosexuals), that it's not even funny.

So to be a person of Asian decent (Mr. Takei is Japanese), is a big deal to me. I've always admired others like B.D. Wong and the late Leslie Cheung for having the bravery to come out as an Asian gay or bisexual man. To live in America and to be shamed a minority amongst minorities is definitely a tragic thing.

...

en enfer
I'm not the kind of person who wants to hurt other people.
I'm the kind of person who only wants to hurt myself.
But I realize if I hurt myself, I'll hurt other people.
Which was never my intention in and of itself.
But I'll worry that someday my sadness will supersede their empathy.
And cause dual actions of might and harm right back onto me.
So I wind up living in my shell.
An empty mask of what you want to see.
Torturing myself in a living hell.
Because I don't know just what I want to be.
-10/24/05

I'm squeeling like a little girl!

OK, I hope everyone could be as excited as I am about there being only less than a month before Madonna's new album, Confessions On A Dancefloor, is released (on November 15!).

If you can't wait that long for some new disco/house inspired Madonna dancing, you can get the new single, Hung Up, off of iTunes now for only $.99. Or you can pre-order the whole album on iTunes, and also get the video with the rest of the album. The pre-order comes in two flavours. You can get the album with the tracks seperated, or you can get it all mixed together as one long dance mix, for all your dancing needs. This sounds like it will be a great workout album. Then I can finally hop on the treadmill that's been sitting in my family room for the better part of over a year!

And in more Madonna news, you can catch the world premiere of her new documentary movie, I'm Going To Tell You A Secret, on MTV this Friday, the 21, at 10:00 P.M. Go behind the scenes on the making of her excellent ReInvention Tour (which I happened to catch on both nights it was playing at the HP Pavillion in San Jose).

(On a side note, it's nice that my background theme goes pretty well with Madonna's chosen theme for her album, with the disco dots;-)

I'm tired

I hate it when I wake up about a half hour before my alarm is supposed to go off. What are you supposed to do about that? It's annoying because you have to make a decision. "Do I just lay there, because I can't really fall back asleep and get any sleep in thirty minutes, or do I get up early?"

I usually go with the former, but when you do it, it just leaves you groggy and annoyed. But the thought of going out in the cold for an extra thirty minutes???

It's the same thing with napping.

I know people say that a 30 minute "power nap" is refreshing in the middle of a busy day when you are tired. But this only works if you can actually fall asleep instantaneously. I usually take, on an average day, ten to thirty minutes to fall asleep. So I have no idea how long to set an alarm for. I could have been sleeping for 20 minutes, or I could have just layed there for half an hour. And then, if I do nap, I sometimes fall into such deep sleep that I would wake up four hours later wondering where my day has gone. It's not all that refreshing either, because I'm usually groggy and with a headache when I wake up.

Why can't I just have normal sleep cycles? Is that too much to ask?

So now that the excitement is over...

Let more excitement begin!

So Apple & Co. is now coming out with a new video capable iPod (in both white and black, natch), which is more streamlined, had better battery life, a larger screen, and the smaller base model carries an extra 10 gigs of memory. All with the same price tag as current generation iPods! You know, it seems like Apple is releasing a new iPod about every other month, and what they don't have brand spanking new, it gets upgraded enough so that the previous model seems quaint and obsolete in comparison.

I must resist the urge to go out and buy this new model though! Because if I do, something better comes along, and pretty soon, out house will have 10 iPods in it (and I'm only in a four family household!!!).

Odd and bizarre you say? Well, there is already a 512 KB shuffle, and two (that's right, TWO!) of each of the old monochrome screen U2 Limited Edition, and two new color/photo capable U2 Limited Editions in our house currently.

But with video capability! I can finally catch up on the new season of Desperate Housewives that I've been missing every Sunday (speaking of which, I still haven't called about getting a booklet for my DH season 1 DVD set that I'm missing.)

But I must hold out. Earlier I predicted a special edition Madonna iPod (either nano, or video capable (please be the 60 gig model if so!)), and I still think it may be a go. The U2 iPod was released after U2 released their ...Atomic Bomb album, so they may announce it when Madonna releases her album on November 15. Case in point, iTunes has almost every Madonna video that doesn't have movie footage ("Who's That Girl," "I'll Remember") on their downloadable music video page. They even have some things that weren't released on DVD yet ("Love Profusion," "Justify My Love," "Erotica"), so they may be planning on working on a Madonna "online box set" like they did for U2. And if they do release a Madonna Limited Edition version, mark my words, it will be mine. And yes, I will still get it if it is hot pink. I'm that much of a Madonna phreak!

One more thing...

I'm sorry about being such a downer on Sunday guys.

Sometimes things just get stuck in my mind, and I need some catharsis. It helps to let things out, no matter how ugly, or sad, or sordid.
(Thanks again, Linda.)

Anyways, it looks like Steve Jobs is going to make another big announcement to do with something that Apple makes. A press conference is being held October 12. Many signs point to a new first generation iPod with video capabilities. But it is also well known that he likes to throw many red herrings, and that we really should be expecting the unexpected.

My personal opinion is that there will be a video capable iPod (I would LOVE if we were able to download music videos onto it!), and that the iPod may up it's storage capacity without increasing in size from the current 60 gigabyte model. I think there may be the technology to cram 100 gigs into such a tiny space. I think there may also be radio functionality, or a new limited edition version, a la the U2 iPod (they seem to be pretty chummy with Madonna right now, and she is coming out with a new record soon. She already had a "signed" edition of the first generation button iPods. But this is more a wish than real speculation).

I guess time will tell if I need to shell out another $300 to Apple & Co. again.

Darkness

I wrote this poem today. I may have already died on the inside...

Coward

I try my best to deny myself feelings

To numb myself up in case I stray

Because then I won't give in to temptation

Every time I look or think of you

I already know how this story ends

With utter heartache and bitter defeat

It's already hard enough to tell what I'm feeling

When I know what I want won't be reciprocated

And one day I will probably end it all

A glorious conflagration to release my emotions

When all is done, you won't even remember

The exact moment when my life is past

-10/05/05