"Trip the station, change the channel"

It's hard for me to ever get excited by the MTV VMAs ever again after the travisty that was this year.

I remember back in the late 80s and into the early 90s, I used to look forward to these things. They used to be my end of summer highlight. It was great seeing exciting performances (Madonna's "Marie Antoinette" version of "Vogue," Pearl Jam and Neil Young's duet on "Keep On Rockin' (In the Free World)"), and tongue in cheek fashion statements that usually tried to make some sort of humerous point (Howard Stern's "Fart-man" and Prince's butt hanging out of the back of his pants are two that come to mind). Not to mention that the Moonman award usually did go to the best "video."

But starting in the late 90s, the VMAs started on that downhill decent into sheer inanity. Over the past few years, the only thing I really watch them for is Madonna, if she decides to make an appearance. Now, there are more clowns than a three ring circus, more bands with G-d awful names that seem destined to become relics in clearance bins in a years time, and lackluster performances, usually involving a mishmash of Hip-Hop singers doing some mishmash medly of crappy songs. And the actual awards, instead of going to an artist who's video has some artistic quality and merit, as well as being a good artist with a good song, now goes to "the video that we played the most (that is, when we actually decide to play videos, instead of shows like 'Date your Mom')."

And the fashion? Don't get me started! Sure, the musicians used to wear some outlandish outfits, but it was all in the name of "Rock & Roll," right? Now, when the celebrities are making a concious decision to dress like clowns (think Lil' Kim with a lil' too much of her coming out of her top), it just makes me angry. All the money in the world, and your stylist dresses you up in this? Come on!

I think the winner of "most hideous, please burn your outfit and never wear it again" award goes to the elder Simpson sister. I'd really much rather see Jessica Simpson's skeleton in just a little bikini than this garbage, and that's saying something coming from me! Oh and by the way, no more Miami for the VMAs please, these poor girls hair will never "unfrizz" again!


Actually, her sister doesn't fare much better. She's somewhere between going to the high school prom and going to a morgue.

And someone, please stick Fergie of the Black Eyed Peas back into her cage of the Brooklyn Zoo where she belongs! It's a good thing the picture is small, or you would vomit over the sight of her face, which looks like a weird science fiction cross between an alien, a dog, and a man.

And just because you are on MTV, it doesn't mean that you can just give up all fashion common sense, as unglamourously shown by Eva Longoria and her "Look! The hurricane's coming!" hair-don't. "I Love the 80s" be damned!


And just so you don't think I'm just putting the hate on all the ladies, Ricky Martin, as cute as you are, you can't try to make yourself cuter by getting a "Kewpie Doll" haircut.

Or maybe it was just him in shock over what John Norris was wearing. There are really more subtle ways for John to hit on poor Ricky than wearing that lavender tie-died "muscle (I use the term loosely around John Norris)" shirt, with an applique anchor on the front, and a odd hole in the back (probably where you stick in and turn the knife). The whole effect on him looked like a badly dressed twenty year old gay man trapped in a forty five year old gay man's body, complete with Donald Trump hair. Sad (note: sorry I don't have a pic of John Norris yet, I'm working on it)

All in all, it seemed a pretty boring night that I mostly fast-forwarded through. I could barely even pay attention to Green Day and the Killers, the two performances I was most looking forward to. The only thing that I really found truely refreshing this year was the fact that Lil' Kim actually decided to wear clothes this year, and look like a civilized member of society. Oh well, as I always say, "Maybe next year will be better, but probably not."

(All photos from DailyCeleb.com)