100!?!

Well, it's been a little over a year and a half, but I finally made it to my 100th blog entry!

Starting on December 14, 2004, "my bleah blog," as it was known, was given form and shape (well, virtual data form and shape anyway) by me. I guess that I started posting as a type of self indulgence and catharsis. I didn't think that anyone would actually read my thoughts. Well, at least that's what I first imagined this blog to be; a collection of my current thoughts, hopes and dreams. Kinda like an online journal (nee, (am I man enough to admit it?) a diary). Only this journal could be read by anyone with internet connectivity. So I have to watch what I say, you know what I mean?

I have previously tried, to no avail, writing in a hand written journal. I bought a neat little sea foam green flocked blank journal, 200 pages of vast off-whiteness, waiting for my words to lovingly and emotionally fill up those pages on a daily basis. This happened for exactly one week. I then proceeded to write in it, off and on, for another three months, before abandoning it completely. To this day, I have no idea where it is now. Probably in the clutches of my sister. Not that she would know where it is either, as both of our bedrooms are complete and utter disasters on a near "Katrina" scale, filled to the brim with the excesses of consumerism. Even though my flirtation with journal writing was brief, it was also tumultuous, as it chronicled some very low points for me (one entry chronicled me traveling to a friend's house after a particularly heated argument with my mother, that lead me to near the point of suicide).

I never knew exactly why I never kept up with journal writing. Perhaps it was because my hand would cramp up after about 10 minutes of writing, no doubt a side effect of the punishments my father used to conjure up for me. Since I was a home body as a child, and never had that many friends or worried about going out and having a social life, my father would punish me by having me write a sentence 1000 times on lined paper about how I would never do the punishable offence again. After my hand cramped up and was completely numb to all sensations, I learned my lesson: if I ever did anything bad, never let my parents know about it.

I digress.

So I didn't have much expectations for this blog to work out. I never thought I would actually make it to 100 posts (actually, if you went back and counted, this probably would only be my 99th published post, as I have one post that I've worked on to near completion, but have never posted it due to it falling out of my scope of thoughts to finish it. I may go back one day and post this "lost" post, as it is still on file). I worried early on that I might lose interest (a lot of other personal blogs out there also abruptly stop posting, I surmise, due to lack of interest). I actually did only post less than a few times a month early on. But in early 2005, after getting my tonsils out, and thus not having a voice, I decided to take up a New Years Resolution to read and write more, both of which I think I have done by trying to post a blog entry at least once a week, and to read a new book at least once a month. I also now know that my blog entries do not fall onto only my own ears (eyes?). A few of my co-workers regularly check out my blog (bless them all for not trying to throw me into the "looney bin" after a few of my posts). So I guess this really hasn't been a decadent waste of time.

Anyway, in case you didn't notice, I have a new title for my blog (as chronicled a few posts ago), "the toybox." Nothing is really going to change in my blog posts, but I will try to have a less pessimistic outlook on life, which required me to stop thinking in terms of "bleah"s, and start thinking in terms of life being a "toy" or a "gift." We'll see about that... Just remember that I'm the king of pulling out explanations, reasoning, and metaphors out of my ass also.

See you for the next 100 posts!

- choitoy